He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
