paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
