you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
