addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
