She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
