I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
