Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
