I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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