The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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