i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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