His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
