She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
