; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
