I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
