I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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