Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
