i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
