when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
