You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
