what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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