Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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