my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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