shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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