i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
