The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
