I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize