Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
