8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
