Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
handjob tips. give me some.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
