just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
