I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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