I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
