alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
