The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
