he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
