I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
