Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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