I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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