you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
