I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
