wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
