There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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