This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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