Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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