I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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