Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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