we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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