Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
