My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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