Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
