about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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