I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
