why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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