he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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