I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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