So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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