Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
