All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize