So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you would pick up someone in the library
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
