I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
