she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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