I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
