she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
