The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
