DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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