new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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