; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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