Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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