You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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