Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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