I wish I only lived at night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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