this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
