my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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