I want to make a zoo with you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
don't judge my taste in strippers
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
