Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
