i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
